Potty training is NOT for pansies!

If you are one of the lucky ones who had a just turned 3 year old wake up one morning and say *Yawn* "Mommy I'm done with diapers" *Big Stretch* and from that day moving forward never had one misstep to the toilet, embraced their new super hero undies with pride and would run not walk to the bathroom.  There may be no need for you to continue reading. 

Had our first and only experience with potty training been our second child, I may have never been compelled to reflect on the CIA esque "training" that I'm up to my eyeballs in with my older child currently.  My 11 month old daughter uses the potty, as if on command, like she was born knowing how, going on over a month now....she has a 98% success rate. I'm pretty sure she's my husbands favorite, because she's the only one in the house who seems to care about saving a dollar along with the environment and if she could only talk and/or walk herself to the bathroom...I'm certain that she'd be 100% "trained".  The girl has got it down.  

My son, my son on the other hand has been in the "program" as I like to call it for over a year now.  Yes, I said YEAR.  We started right after he turned 3, he wasn't showing any interest. But what the heck, we thought we'd give it a go. He's smart, but super busy and active...maybe he just needs some encouragement.  I was in the last trimester of my pregnancy and I'll be honest...shadowing my toddler like I was his understudy for a hot Broadway play was not at the top of my to-do list.  Watching him like a hawk, putting him on the potty every 15 minutes and not really being able to leave the house.  Yeah, my heart wasn't into it.  I had bigger fish to fry.  And after all....I had heard LOTS of urban mommy legends about how "they just were ready one day, and that was it", story after story of self trainers.  Cool.  Even better when I took him to his 3 year old well check visit and his pediatrician pretty much told us to stop, and I quote "If you push, he'll push back." Wonderful! We're off the hook...We can have our weekends back...Woooohooo!! Besides, the kid could not be bought or bribed.  No treat, sticker or toy seemed to motivate him.  Now I could retreat from stock piling Dollar Tree Store crap.

Life then moved forward, FAST.  Baby was born, toddler moved schools, we sold our house and moved to a new one, it was the holidays and we got hit hard with illness after illness. Can you say "REGRESSION CITY?!?"  And just like that, we are a year down the road and still struggling for an accident free weekend.  So I did it.  I got serious about it this past 3 day weekend.  My husband and I were committed and there was no turning back.  I am here to tell you....you DON'T KNOW POTTY TRAINING until you've spent a long weekend solely focused on it and by focused I mean, you feel like you're in a hostage situation.  Held up in a bathroom....just you and the resistant one.  There is a stack of children's books, a tablet (maybe watching a show will help), a couple of bottles of water, the foam letters and numbers from the tub to keep all parties entertained, yet educated at the same time (might as well kill two birds with one stone), and that's it.  There you sit, and wait, and wait and wait and wait and wait for nature to kick in....for me I passed the time in numerous ways, I used a towel as a pillow to lay down for a bit...keeping one eye on the kiddo at all times, there was no place to hide, I did a few sit-ups to feel productive too and that way if anyone asked how I spent my weekend I could honestly say that I worked out.  It felt a little bit like being in prison, if you could have a plush bathmat there. Not that I know what prison is like, this is just a guess. Stuck in a small room, not a lot to keep busy with, staring a toilet. Miserable right?

I'm here to tell you, if you say that you're still toilet training your just turned 4 year old...you're going to get some looks.  This is a mommy war that hits below the belt.  No one wants to still be buying diapers or cleaning up messes. Trust me.  To think that a parent is somehow at fault for this progression or lack there of is unfair to say the least. So don't do it, don't get caught up in judgmental stares when you see someone buying not just size 4 diapers for a baby, but size 6 too and pullups and underwear, because they want to be ready for anything. But I digress, back to the bathroom floor,  no one was leaving until a #2 happened in the toilet.  NO ONE. Because that is the part of the process that trips my son up. The kid has been peeing in the toilet like a champ, forever. But we all know...there are two parts to this puzzle.  At my last pediatrician visit I asked the doctor the same question...to which I was met with an unsettling reply...."This is normal, I have 5 year old patients that still don't go #2 in the toilet.  Don't worry, you aren't going to be breaking any records." Whaaaaaaaaaaat....hell no....I'm not going to have to quit my job over this to home school!  Although I do partly blame working full-time because consistency is the key in learning anything new and when you work hard on something Saturday and Sunday, then don't do anything with it Monday-Friday, can you really hope for the best outcome?  

So my husband and I took shifts this weekend, there were snack breaks and yard walks.  We were serious, but not cruel.  We talked about nothing else. We were primarily focused on the task at hand! My repetitive chants to my son were the background music of the weekend and potentially for the neighbors too, so sorry about that! In a cheerleading-like voice we had this exchange about 40 times:  Where do we go to the bathroom?? "On the toilet" Where do we ONLY go to the bathroom? "The toilet" When are we going to do that?? "All the time". You want to give up, you want to give in...wave the white flag and just hand the boy a pullup already.  But we didn't and we had a victory.  It's hard to process that a whole day was spent hanging out in a bathroom or by a potty, for one win.....but that's how this played out.  And guess what....it was worth it....I think we all shed a tear...my husband and mine were of happiness and joy....my son's...well I'm pretty sure his was relief...pure relief that we'd now get off of his ass *pun intended*...and relief for finally letting it go...we may have encouraged prunes as a snack...and he may have eaten more than a few.  Hey, these are tough times....and you do what you have to do!

So the next time someone complains about potty training their toddler...and it took them less then 3 days or only 3 days.  Tell them they don't know what they're talking about....unless you've been so starved that you ordered a pizza from your bathroom floor, because there was no time to cook.  The same floor that you were previously doing sit-ups on and reading 6 Elmo books about using the potty over and over again, you now have them memorized, along with binge watching Dinosaur Train, ALL DAY LONG with a half naked kiddo. You.Just.Don't.Know.