A Tale of Two Colds.

Two people have colds…maybe allergies…..either way, not feeling awesome.   Their symptoms are identical.

Here’s a synopsis of what transpires over a 48 hour period:

Person A:  Sigh, moan, cough, sigh, sneeze, moan, cough, more like hacking.  I just feel awful,  just terrible…clears throat.  Sigh, sneeze, deep breath, more moaning.  Some throat clearing *loudly*, sighing, another big breath.  Sniffle, sneeze, cough, sniffle,  clears throat.  Big deep breath, pathetic moan, obnoxious sniffling and coughing ensues.  Can hardly get through the day.  This continues for a solid 2 days.  I won’t give you the entire transcript, as I’m already annoyed by what I just typed.  But you get the idea.

Person B:  Suffers silently, confident that this too shall pass. Life goes on.

My husband is “Person A”, I am “Person B”. Shocking, I know.  And before I start getting hate mail from the guys.  Please note…this IS funny because it’s true.  You know it.  Own it.  And while there are certainly exceptions to the rule….most males can’t take sickness “like a man”.  Generally, illness + men= disaster. 

So it got me thinking.   There should be a halfway house that husbands can go to when they’re sick.  A safe place, where eye rolling does not exist and the people there are happy to listen to you complain incisively.  They will gladly cater to your every whim…bring you OJ, make you soup…unless of course it’s too warm outside and soup doesn’t sound good to you, so you’d rather have a nice fruit salad or something…they’ll do that…because that’s their job.  They will leave you alone to suffer properly, and by properly I mean watching TV, playing video games or reading a book on the couch.  There will be no one to yell at you “get up off your butt and help with the kids, you giant baby”. No that doesn’t ever happen at the house of Manly Sickness.  But before you get worried ladies that your men will catch a cold and never come home…fear not…because remember there are others like your man staying at this house too….moan, sigh, sneeze, cough, sniffle, big breath, sad moan.  They’ll want to get the heck out of there real quick, just like you want to run away from home when they are with you and under the weather.

So who’s going to start this business venture? Anyone?? I’ll take your first lifetime membership!  Please.  Because if I have to listen to one more, sigh, moan, hacking cough, sneeze or sniffle that is non life-threatening and over exaggerated like someone is trying to win an Academy Award…I’m going to scream!

As you can see my husband has been fighting the good fight with the pharmaceuticals below and I will happily pack these up for him to share with his new friends at the house.